I want more than I can receive and expect what is impossible. I admit that I am a selfish person when it comes to certain things that I want but that does not mean I am wrong in that way.

I am tired of so, so many things.

I wholeheartedly know what I deserve: better.

And better, better is the goal.　

Not sure why you’re arguing with me when you know I’m right. 

Never underestimate my capability to pick myself back up after I have fallen. 

Why this week sucked so much ass:

• Someone’s stupid second attempt to start a food fight at first lunch.
• Being punished for the food fight by not being allowed to eat in the cafeteria.
• The “senior prank” vandalism and almost getting our senior activities cut.
• Finding out the majority of the people who did the prank were JUNIORS.
• Some asshole took my money.
• My phone has been cut as of today.
• Trying to protect someone to only end up hurting them.
• Situations.
• Mr. Harper, Mrs. Boone, Mrs. Day. In that order.

Why this week was tolerable:

• Girl scout cookies.

Why did you fight for it then? Why did you work so hard to try create something so beautiful when you were only going to obliterate it in the end? Why did you stand so faithful, so proud against the naysayers if you were just going to give it up? 

Was it not worth it? Were the fights and arguments and heartaches not worth it? Were the “i-love-yous, we-can-do-this, please-just-trust-in-us” just not enough?

How can something so “magical” in the beginning transform into such…monstrosity? What do we do when the butterflies in our stomach turn into bees that prick us, sting us, scar us, then .. die inside of us?

How do you cope with not a broken heart, ..but an exhausted soul and a numbed mind?

How can you just let everything go?

I just don’t want to care anymore. So I won’t.

Right

about

now.

Excuse me, just because you are having relationship problems, that does NOT  give you ANY right to go and ruin things for other people. You are acting immature, irrational, and impulsive. Also, the accusations you have made about others unrelated to your issues were unnecessary and irrelevant to your little tirade and was extremely unacceptable and untrue. Why would you try to diminish another person’s status when you’ll only falter your own?

Just stop. You’re already going around making a bad name for yourself. People are already looking down on you. Word gets around fast, if you’ve forgotten.

I am flat out  tired and through with all of the rumors that has been started because of you. You are taking it way too far.

And furthermore, I’m disappointed in you.

This just isn’t working out at all. Drift away.

• “I’m busy because I’m hanging out with you.” vs. “I’m hanging out with you because I’m not busy.”
• I don’t want to be the last resort/back up. Make plans with me; be busy with me, too. 
• I just want to do different things, sometimes.
• I want my plans to be worked out too.
• I hate flakers. 
• And disappointment.
• And getting my hopes up for something, and then it not actually happening. 
• I guess that is also disappointment, huh?
• Unfulfilled promises/plans suck.
• So do people who don’t stick to their word.
• Shit gets old and boring sometimes too, ya know?
• Sigh.

Truth is that I hold too close to my own standards and expectations that no one will fully be able to live up to them.

I guess this is why people make me unhappy. Too wrapped up in my own morals to just let people be. Too stubborn. Too selfish. 

But then again, I’ll never satisfy all of one person’s standards either.  

Oh well, to each his own.

I’m sorry I’m so scared.. I just don’t even know what I’m doing.

So heres to you. Here is to everything negative you’ve ever said about me (which is a lot of things actually.) Here is to all of the times you’ve judged me, my family, and my life. 

I’ll be a bigger, better person than you’ll ever be. I’ve worked my ass off and I’m going to go somewhere great, chase after my dreams, and live my life BEAUTIFULLY. Everything you’ve ever said about me will just be dumped in a pile of shit because I am stronger than you’ll ever know. 

Just watch me.

I’ve told you everything. So why is it that you can’t do that for me?